My Matroyshka Doll

My Matryoshka Doll

матрешка

For many, the Russian nesting doll, or the Matryoshka doll has become synonymous as the perfect souvenier to bring home anytime you live in Russia or even visit here for that matter. They all have their own unique bits of course. They are not unlike people in that way really. As I have begun to settle in more and more, I have started to wonder what my Matryoshka doll may look like now. 

How easily they seem to come apart bit by bit. Each one slightly different than the last. Some becoming much stronger until you reach the core of the doll. The tiniest and the smallest of them all. 

My Matryoshka was built long before leaving for an expat life. I knew then I had many layers, the outermost was the most fragile, full of insecurities that were not always pretty. They were special and unique of course but there was not a great deal of substance. The important thing about them though was the simple fact that they protected so much that was inside of me. Over time, a few friends and colleagues would reach various levels of my Matryoshka doll. The ones that were a bit more vibrant and a bit more bold with a good wit and sense of herself. Age plays a role in that I must admit as does experience. 

A select few ever reached me at my most inner core. That is where the beauty truly lies. That last little doll is the smallest, the most simple in design, but the sturdiest. In my opinion, it is the very heart and soul of what a person is. What they believe. Small but mighty and beautiful in its simplicity. That little one might peek her head out once in awhile but so few can draw her out for any length of time as she is completely vulnerable.

I cannot pretend that I have faith or trust in very many with my deepest hurts and greatest moments of joy. Here in Russia, I am slowly seeing that there is beauty in each layer a person has. They are all unique and perfectly imperfect. 

Yet in the end, all of the layers serve a very important purpose. They protect yet enhance the very center of the Matryoshka. Just like the core of a true person living in faith. 

I am still trying to get down to that very core of myself in this new world. I am trying to find those I trust enough to see me at my strongest and at my most vulnerable and still see the beauty that lies in my heart. All the beauty on the outside means nothing without the strength that lies within. 

I just hope that we all begin to value our own Matryoshka. I pray we become diligent in who we take our layers down for and to also watch the same vulnerability in those around us. Simple can be beautiful and powerful. So if you ever receive one as a gift, may it remind you of how beautiful you are at the very core. The rest is cosmetic and can come or go as it pleases if you let it. There is no shame in that. 

The question remains though. Do you have what it takes to see through the layers to the very core of another? Will you ever know that someone who is willing to be that vulnerable with you is a sister or brother you should keep for life? The fear is real but so is the most beautiful of rewards. It is a great reminder to be brave. The core of who you really are can withstand much more than you think if you are willing to take the risk. 

Welcome to Russia 2017. Full of new observations. The tough ones and the ones that are deceptively simple. 

An End is a Beginning

It is a new beginning in so many ways that I still cannot wrap my head around it all. So I plan to continue on as I did before. I am anxious and excited at starting this next chapter of my life in Russia but not without this important observation. I had the honor of living in South Korea for six years of my life. I was truly blessed by experiences and more importantly by the people I met there. It is and always will be my second home. So why leave? If I love it so, why should I risk it all for another job?

In my heart I was called to move on. That is and was the only reason I would have ever walked away. Seven months of my life were spent in a sort of limbo with no idea what I would be doing or where I would go. It was then that I received a call from Russia. Russia really? It is cold there. It was once the Soviet Union and the sworn enemy of the United States. It is corrupt. It is dangerous.

Yes Russia. Through all of the ups and downs of getting here, I would still accept this offer in Kazan. I haven't even started classes yet but I would do this again. It is through these words that I hope to share that regardless of the history of any country people are still people. I have been to several parts of this world now to know that much. Instead of fearing a country or a culture, why don't we learn about them? Why don't we learn more about ourselves? I promise that we are all far more similar than we are different. I have the privilege to teach students across the globe. I may have a very successful time here or I may not, but I will still learn about people and about myself.

I often wonder if many actually know what it feels like to uproot your life and go to a truly foreign land. To be immersed in a culture that you do not know. A language you cannot understand. The constant tug at staying true to who you are and yet being open to people and experiences that will change how you look at and feel about every part of your life. Each day is mind blowing doing the simplest of things. What is easy to accomplish in daily life in America can become an epic feat in another country.

Yes this is an end. A heart-wrenching end to one chapter of my life. I will never shut the door on my second home in Korea. I will continue the lifelong friendships with those that are there or who have already been taken to other parts of the world. I will set foot there sooner than later again and do so with a smile because I love it.

Now it is a new beginning though. A time in Russia that I can only hope will become equally as special. A place where I am still free to ask questions about customs and have conversations that will enlighten me and inspire me. Not one part of this will be easy and I know that. I have done this before. If I was not scared, I would be lying. If I did not have faith I would have no hope of succeeding. If I did not have friends and family supporting me I would be a shell of the person I could possibly become.

As I begin this chapter all I can do is encourage others to do one thing first. Do not look at the name of the country and assume you know everything about the people that dwell there. Take the time and look at all sides, talk to others, and just listen. Isn't that what you would hope others would do for you?