On the Road Again....

I am well aware that this is not the first blog I have written about the driving in Korea. It is just hard to put to rest such a risky and ridiculous topic. Sometimes when I get in my little three cylinder red Minion mobile,  I feel as thought I should where are crash helmet and pin my insurance information to my shirt for easy identification. It is at these times that I realize the true adventure awaits. I am not alone in the venture. The Facebook group "The Wild Bunch: Waygook Drivers in Korea" proves that.

It is, however, a tiny leap of faith to get out on the roads here and drive. No longer are there opportunities to just get out on a road and travel for miles only to turn around and come back when you have worked through whatever thoughts that plague the day or the night. Nearly every road here leads to an expressway or an alleyway that does not have a predicted ending. Your navigation app is a mixture of Korean and English and at best can get you in the general direction but not necessarily a precise destination. Everything is in kilometers verses miles and your sense of distance has to completely change.
It is in these moments that you have to surrender to what is around you in order to survive.  Somehow by being more aggressive and less apologetic you can make it to your destination in a fairly reasonable time.
I now have an all new set of driving skills that might come in handy in Fast and Furious 57. Of course I need a little more impressive car with a much better engine but there is always time for upgrades.

For instance, there is no such thing as two lanes. There are as many lanes as needed for an off ramp. It is merely an issue of survival of the fittest, or the smallest in my case.
Sometimes you have to ignore what is in the rearview mirror and embrace the delicate balance between gas pedal and brake. Yes it is reckless by all standards or drivers ed but the bottom line is if you do not get a little proactive in these situations you will not get anywhere.
So really what difference is there between driving in Korea these days and driving through life? First of all it is a period of time. Just like any road journey. It can be exciting, frustrating, relaxing, and jaw-dropping all rolled into one. Sometimes you have to step on the brake and honk your horn out of frustration and also fear that your journey might come to a quick and sudden end. At other times you have to set your sights forward and press through a maze of complications you could not see or understand, knowing that there is space for you if you are determined.
 Make sure that you say your sorry if you get in

the way of someone else's journey. Did you know that if you put your hazard lights on for a quick second that means "I'm sorry" in Korea? Now that I know the best way to apologize I use it often. Many times you will hit roadsigns in life that look like the one to the left. Even though they mean to help guide you in the right direction they often confuse you instead. Sometimes you will have to take a trip through the roundabout more than once to decide which path is the right one for you. And finally, it doesn't really matter what road you take or how long the journey as long as you have the courage to step out your front door. If you never get behind the wheel and drive you never know what is in store for you. It will be stressful, it will be full of waiting and watching and last minute judgement calls. You will make u-turns and miss red lights and get lost in the moment wondering how to get from one off ramp to the next but that is really the point right? You will reach your destination eventually but not always in the straight line you predicted and definitely not in the time you expected.

Just get to the end of your journey. You have friends and family waiting for you. They great ones will be there as long as needed to see you through. So don't worry about the road less traveled, just travel the road in the first place. 

Sister-Friends

Sister-friends
A term often heard when talking about a friendship that just goes beyond the realms of what would be described as "normal". It also seems to be used primarily in the female circle. You never really hear the term "brother-friend". As changes continue to happen around me and to me, I realize how crucial my sister-friends are. I do not ever mean to lessen the impact of all my precious friendships that I have made.
There just seems to be some friendships that are elevated. This summer I realize that having a sister-friend move on, creates a hole in you for awhile once you acknowledge that it is happening. There is a time of reflection and grieving but then also a determination to keep the friendship strong no matter the time or distance.
So what makes a sister-friendship as opposed to a normal friendship? Here are some qualities that I think are directly connected to sister-friendship.

1. Trust~I think that this is key. Trust with words you speak. Trust with actions you do and the reason you do them. No second guessing of intentions.

2. Acceptance~Acceptance of who you are at any time and any place in your life. Without question, a sister-friend accepts you for you.

3. Love and Compassion~This goes right along acceptance. Sharing hugs and shoulders to cry on. Sharing beautiful moments, funny jokes, and childish impulses that make you want to live again. Even if your sister-friend is going through tough times, you can call on them at any time of day or night to just understand and be a presence and a comfort in your life.

4. Honor and Integrity~For me, these two words also lead to inspiration. As a sister-friend I want to be a person of good character and integrity so that someone will be proud to be a part of my friendship circle. To want to become a better me to inspire others as a sister-friend.

5. Truth~A sister-friend will tell you the truth even if you are not ready to hear it. They shelter you when they can. They push you into greatness either subtly, or sometimes for me, taking a crowbar. But it all comes down to the simple fact is they love you so much they are truthful.

When I boil it all down, I just am so lucky and blessed to have sister-friends. The ones who stand beside me through thick and thin. To be able to hold a friendship for years and no matter how long it has been, we can pick up a conversation right where we left off. I am lucky that I can support my sister-friends through hardships and to be there to lean on. I am lucky to be entrusted with their friendship, to be a part of the special moments of their lives, invited into their families, and to know with a simple word or look I know they have my back and I will forever have theirs. When you have true sister-friends, it makes life more tolerable. It gives you hope when you are in dark places. It gives you moments of great joy that you may never experience any other way in your life.
Yes, sister-friends can break your heart at times but they can also heal them just by being who they are. What more could I really ask for than the fact that I have sister-friends? I am going to hold that tight to my heart as I take steps forward in my own journey.
To all my sister-friends I give you a big shout out of thanks. I absolutely love each of you for who you are and send you hugs and love and light every day of your life. I will always be here for you. I will always endeavor to be the best sister-friend I can to each of you in the days and years to come. You keep me grounded, you give me joy, and you lift me up and encourage me to believe in myself more times that I can ever count. Time will pass, as it always does but my friendship to you will be not be moved. It will endure. That is a promise I make to each of you.

The Inevitable: My Jet Lag Story

I first have to say thank you to everyone and their patience with me each time I return to Idaho from South Korea. When I return home it is a 15 hour time change and crossing the international dateline.
So, in short, I leave on Monday night  and I arrive on Monday night but after about 20 hours of travel.

That alone is enough to trip you up. I have now figured out that it takes close to a week to really get the hang of the change. When I get up in the morning it is night time in Korea. Can you imagine that? Eating for example is extremely tough. You lose your cravings or appetite because when you get up it is usually dinner time and so forth. So when meeting with friends, you never really know what to eat because everything feels upside down, not to mention trying to get used to American food again. I find that just snacking on things is the best for the first few days until I get set to rights.

Going about routine things is also strange. It is so very easy to be more forgetful than normal. Sometimes I find I tend to just wander about from room to room until I remember what I was going to do. You just feel odd, almost as if you are watching your life almost in storybook form, like a dream.

The oddest things I have dealt with are the simple inability to find words I want to say when in basic conversation. (Trust me, even this blog has been a little difficult). Also the reverse culture shock is like nothing else. Driving is more relaxed. Going to a grocery store is completely overwhelming. Even if I go into the store with a list there is still so much stuff to choose from. The sound of English everywhere and knowing I am no different than anyone else is a good thing but still shocking.

I also have two families now that I try to keep up with. One in Korea and one here. I can only talk to one at certain times of day no matter where I go. I want to keep up but it is also so important to be present wherever I am with the people I am with.

The one thing I know more than anything else is that all of the special tricks, medicines, etc. that are sure to combat jet lag may be helpful on shorter trips but not on trips like mine. Time and just learning to adapt day to night is the best way to deal with all of it.

At this time the one thing I am sure of, is the picture above is absolutely true. Going to Korea, losing an entire day, is easier than the trip back. I wouldn't change the travel for anything though. After a full year of being gone this time, I am truly happy to be back in my hometown. I am still trying to get used to the slower pace still. I have trouble at times remembering not to bow after a purchase or in greeting others which I for some reason overdo even in Korea.
It is and always will be good to be home and I will take all the trouble that comes with it in order to have the chance to be with friends and family here. My passport alone is testament to the fact that all of these minor hardships have allowed me an amazing life over the past three years and who knows what the future will bring.

What's In A Name

My full birth name is Melissa Dawn Lyons.


I once asked my mother why I was named Melissa since it isn't a name that is found in our family heritage. I found that I was named after a very good friend of my mother in college. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that.

Then comes my childhood nickname that continues often times to this day which is Missy. I did learn that my mom and dad did intend always to call me Melissa but my first onsie given to me by my grandmother was embroidered with Missy and that was the end of that. So I was Missy until my college days and especially my working days. Sometimes it is hard now because I can be called by either and will answer to both. The more informal, means they have become closer friends I feel.

And what does the name Melissa me? Honey Bee. Honey Bee? Really? What am I supposed to do with that. I guess in Greek mythology there was some importance but a bee? I guess given my name does lend some understanding to my profession. I buzz around the classroom trying to infuse knowledge into children all day long. I have a stinger that I save only for the rarest of occasions for I know it could be the death of me if I use it. But still.....a bee.

Another site I looked into says I am prone to "Serious-minded...home and family mean a great deal to me." I am also reliable to friends and family to whom I have given my word. The last few descriptors will not be disagreed on by anyone I know. "..I have a tendency to be a little too independent and have trouble accepting help when it has needed and also friction could arise that you were interfering with their rights even though you were only trying to help."
A lot of things to think about that.

But here in Korea I have new nicknames. Some Kiwi friends call me Mel and I find that it suites me. My favorite though is what one Korean calls me all the time and she will know who she is. That is simply the name "M". I can't exactly say why I feel it suits me so. I have to think of agent M in the James Bond films but I am not that cool. I also just feel like I can stand taller when I hear that nickname. Like a perfect balance of someone who knows me but also a new identity. One with a little more strength behind it. Of course I will also be miso unni to many and that warms my heart and makes me smile. I am still all of the things my full legal name suggests if you read into those sorts of things for more than just entertainment.

I just find it quite the adventure that your name can take you on. You can hide behind it, change identities behind another. I just hope at the end of this life, many will simply be able to call me friend.


Still working on the bee label though.....

Guess I better get buzzing for the final few weeks of this school year. So very much left to do.

When Do You Know

It's May.
I am tired.
It's the end of the year and all of these things are part of the reason why this may be one of the crazy reason I am giving this blog any attention but I must let these words out. Just out without someone interjecting and giving their thoughts on who I am and what I am and what people see.

For me I am for the first time truly contemplating is it time for me to move from the country I call my second home. I feel like I am down more than I am up and I feel the depreciation through misguided thoughts and ideas of others. I also see that I am caring too much about what others are thinking and that gives them a power they DO NOT deserve. Once that begins then the life I have set out for myself dies. Can it be resurrected, yes. The question is do I want it to.

I feel so very stuck in the middle now. This career I have chosen. It has given me so many highs and lows but there is not another job out there that I have any sort of degree for. I haven't ever really stopped and asked myself what I want to do with my life. I know what sort of things I want for my life. Things that I somehow think will make it feel better but that does not change what my heart wants. For now I don't know what would truly make me happy.

There are many little things that I would love to fix in the present. To put a band aide on now and know it will be okay for a little longer. I have met some truly genuine people here, both the good and the bad, but mostly the good. I want so much to see where there lives are going to now take them and what is in store for them but I feel just like when you put your feet in the sand at the edge of the ocean and how as you watch the tide go out you feel like the ocean is taking from you. That has always been a calming thing to me. I want the ocean to take that which hurts me and help me forget for awhile. But now that feeling is in my day to day life. That this place is being pulled from me. That it is not on this shore that I am meant to stay. Such a very scary place to be.

The thought of leaving love and some anger which will always be there. The thought of having no job prospect and not having any idea what my future holds is also terrifying. You really do have to give it up to God and trust you will not fall all the way down.

I just wish there was a sure sign. A compass to guide me right now. This time of year is not the time to make such a decision. It can't be with all that encompasses your life at the end of a year. I built myself here. I built a life here. Am I really ready to leave it based on some unhappy times at school or do I stick with it and see if there is hope of redemption in my soul because this school is so special and there are things that can be done here that you cannot find anywhere else.
Those that have gone before me in these decisions never seemed scared or unsure. They just jumped. That was it. But my Korean friends. My sweet Korean friends who I have worked so hard to be part of. Living vicariously through their lives does not constitute living my own life.
The drama, the paranoia, the parts of the teaching culture that have always been there will remain no matter where I go. Such a big decision and I feel like if I could have erased a few words, changed my mind, done one thing different maybe I wouldn't feel this way but on the other hand maybe this is exactly what I have to feel.

My life will never be the same. Living in another country makes that a fact. You never will be what you once were. So don't try. My only hope and saving grace right now is that these next three weeks find some resolution, common ground and a little hope for the year to come for there is at least one more year in this country for me. But at some point I have to get selfish and make it about me.